MY PAST HUNTS ME! part 1
Oh! Allah, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I thought if my pain touched their lives, I’d feel better. I didn’t. I thought that by holding it over their heads, I’d feel better. I didn’t. I thought that by telling everyone what had been done to me, I feel better. I didn’t. It only cost me friends and kept the pain alive longer. I thought if only they acknowledge how wrong they’ve been (and how right I’ve been), I’d feel better. They didn’t, so I felt worse.
I thought if only I could understand why I picked such people. I feel better. So I read books and talked with counselors, but that didn’t work, because I then discovered other things I didn’t have emotional energy to deal with. I thought time would make me feel better. It helped, but it didn’t heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought that by moving someplace else I’d feel better, I didn’t. I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside of me.
Finally I did two things and they worked; not overnight, but gradually, patiently, consistently as I kept doing them, they worked.
First, I decided to forgive- and keep on forgiving- until it didn’t hurt anymore.
“Have mercy on the people, Allah will have mercy on you” Hadith.
Second, I cried out to Allah, “Ya Rabbi anta-l-musarifa-l- quluub” (Oh Allah You are the controller of the heart)
He heard my cry! Suddenly my mind began to clear, and my emotions began to heal. Why? Because at last I’d reached the place where getting well meant more…. So much more to me…. than staying sick!
On this blog , I’ll share with you some lessons I learned that enabled me to close the door of my ugly past, and move forward into the best days of my life. Here are four of them:
- Refuse to live like a victim! When I decided to stop looking for sympathy and start looking for solutions. I began to get well. Allah opens doors, but when He does, we have to walk through them and accept responsibility for our future.
- Isolate the problem. Everybody is not the same. I had to learn what one or two people did to me, infect every other relationship in my life. Once I was able to isolate the event, I could stop the enemy (shaitan and his agents) from using the past to rub me of the future.
- Let ‘perfect love’ heal your scars. I discovered that Allah’s love for me was the only love perfect enough to cast out all my fears.(Q3:31, Q2:38). Fear of what? Fear of trusting others or myself! Only in the classroom of His love could I be free from satanic shackles called fear.
- Don’t stop with Allah! The love of Allah and acceptance was the prescription that healed
Therefore, Dear friend! Do not brood over the past and its tragedies, it will only make you sick and weird down.
Allah is great.
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